2.3.10

人到老年 (When I Am Old)

有一個女生,因為跟家裡處得不好,所以很少回家,後來有一次回家,

發現年老的母親走路一跛一跛的,

不經意的看了母親的腳一眼,這才發現母親的腳指甲太長而長到肉裡面造成

流血,流膿,這時,她認真的看着

已經很久沒有正眼看過的母親,她才發現在她眼前的母親已經年老,

老到已經沒有辦法彎下身來自己剪指甲,

所以才會讓雙腳的指甲傷到肉,她哭了!



從此她變每個禮拜回家,用一盆溫水先幫母親泡腳再幫她剪指甲,

泡溫水是讓腳指甲變軟,才不會因為這樣不好剪而傷到母親的腳。



一直以為父母也應該跟我們一樣能適應這個變化的世界,新的科技、

新的資訊,新的理財觀…直到最近幾年

才知道他們追的蠻辛苦的,遙控器太多太複雜、聽不懂的專業術語、

完全陌生的理財工具…直到最近幾年?

~知道為了怕我們不耐煩,父母偶爾忍住了想說的話,想做的事,

如果沒有這次遠遊,遲鈍的我也不會知道,

一向熱心打點照顧我們子女無微不至的父母,退休十幾年的老爸,

竟衰老得如此快速。

我們五姊妹只湊足了三個,決定陪爸媽去新加坡玩。在去程的飛機上,

老爸四小時都不願如廁,任憑我們好說歹說,

他依然老僧入定,不肯起身。在每一站觀光區,

他也是非到萬不得已才進男廁。

有次我觀察到他小解很久才出來,看不到熟悉親人身影,先是向東搜尋,

繼而向西眺望,即使在這節骨眼,他也不願放聲大喊大叫,

讓我們子女沒有顏面,站在陌生人群中,一副茫然失魂的樣子,

安靜、耐心等子女們的出現,

我終於瞭解他出門在外不願如廁的原因。



以前不解事的小兒子常笑他八十幾歲的外婆,連鈕釦都不會扣,

真慢!真笨!好簡單的一件事,為什麼老人家們就是做不好?

我們還未經歷到,當然難以理解,年紀大了,

有時候手腳會不由自主、不聽使喚,我以為老爸和婆婆之間還有一大段差距,

誰知他也不知不覺走到這個階段了。

往後行程我只要看到老爸表情稍有異樣,

便好說歹說強行押解他到男廁,自己則只好守在男廁外頭,

起初老爸感到萬分不自在,後來也就漸漸習慣了。

回程飛機上,我陪老爸去洗手間,

他忽然低聲對我說:「其實我不會鎖機上廁所的門。」

我拍拍他肩膀,告訴他:「沒關係」心裡卻翻湧出一陣心酸。

心裡很想告訴同行的妹妹,下次出遊,把各自的老公也帶來,

也可以多盡一份心,也很想告訴沒有同來的么妹,

錢財日後都賺得回來,唯有父母健在安康,又能帶著遠遊,

這才是為人子最大的福份;想告訴老爸,如廁問題解決了,

我們下次可以飛到更遠的地方去旅行。



一趟旅行帶給了我許多感觸,也讓再度離開家、

身在火車上的我不禁滴下眼淚....或許是自己太多愁善感,

也或許擔心自己的父母狀況,只是自己一直沒發覺,

才驚覺原來老爸老媽也變老了,變脆弱了,

不再是以前那「強壯的臂膀」、「溫暖的避風港」,

原來一直幫我扛著頭上那片天的巨人,人也會變老....



後記:《余光中的一段詩》

母難日,今生今世,

我最忘情的哭聲有兩次,

一次在我生命的開始,一次在妳生命的告終,

第一次我不會記得,是聽妳說的,

第二次妳不會曉得,我說也沒用,

但兩次哭聲的中間啊!

有無窮無盡的笑聲,一遍一遍又一遍,迴盪了整整三十年,妳都曉得,我都記得。




When I am old and no longer the one I used to be,
Please understand and be patient with me.

When I spill food on my clothes, when I forget how to tie my shoes,
Please remember how I had once held your hands and taught you.

When I repeat over and over again words that bored you stiff,
Please be patient and listen and do not cut me off.
When you were little, I had to tell you the same story that had been told thousands of times until you drifted to sleep.

When I need you to help me take a bath,
Please don't get mad at me.
Do you remember how many ways I had to think of in order to coax you into taking a bath when you were young ?

When I am at a lost with new technology,
Please don't laugh at me.
Just think about how I had patiently answered your every "why is that so ?"

When my legs are tired and I am too frail to walk,
Please extend your youthful and strong hands to hold me,
Just like the way I had held you when you learned how to walk.

When I forget the subject of our conversation,
Please give me a little time to recall.
Actually, what we discuss is not important. As long as you are willing to listen to me I am happy.


When you see me grew old, don't be sad.
Understand me, support me, just like the way I treated you when you began to learn how to live.

I had led you to the path of living but now please accompany me to walk through life's last journey. Give me your love and patience and I will return with an appreciative smile; and in this smile is all the boundless love I have for you.


Translated from a Mexican magazine, November issues, 2004

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